The Privilege of Apathy: Part 2
(Almost four years ago, in response to Terence Crutcher’s murder, I wrote a blog post titled The Privilege of Apathy. It kills me that not much has changed since then, and, in light of George Floyd’s murder, this is my reprise. If you are interested in the original post, you can read it here.)
I wish I was angrier.
You, my black brothers and sisters, deserve more than my fleeting thoughts and concerns; my insta story reposts. You deserve more than a population of unaffected people just now waking up from their apathy, stumbling around with no grip on the real heartache and system that’s suffocating you. We should have been with you the whole time, protecting and listening and believing your experiences.
For as angry as I am, for as many tears as I’ve cried, it is nothing compared to the grief and fear that I can only imagine you’re feeling. For as angry as I am, I have the privilege of staying quiet, of continuing to benefit from a system that incites constant violence and hatred towards you, and too many times I have chosen this road. Because choosing apathy, choosing to not look inward and face racism within me, choosing to overlook injustice is becoming complicit; it is locking arms with indifference towards your pain.
To my white brothers and sisters, we need to do better. It is absolutely not an option. Apathy is plaguing us. It comes in all shapes and sizes and it is crucial that we fight against it for the sake of our neighbors who don’t have the privilege to remain unaffected. Apathy sometimes looks like staying quiet and sometimes looks like disregarding or trying to silence a community of people crying out for help because you, as an observer, don’t believe an issue or experience is valid. It can look like choosing to not educate yourself on the history that has led to the systematic racist beliefs that we uphold today, and it can look like not speaking up when a family member makes a racist comment at the dinner table.
Perhaps the most alarming and destructive form of apathy is the form that tells us we must defend ourselves at all costs. We must answer every concern about racism with, “but I’m not racist!”. We are unwilling to lay down our pride. We are unwilling to do the work; unwilling to acknowledge the systems in which we were raised that led to mindsets that we maybe didn’t ask for, but it is our absolute obligation and responsibility to uproot them. We can do everything we can to fight for justice on a systemic level (and I believe in this), but until we have healthy hearts we will not have healthy communities and that is the only way to implement sustainable change.
Let me be the first to repent, and I hope that it will create some space for you to do the same. There is racism inside of me. I have felt superior because of the color of my skin, both in subconscious and conscious ways. I have neglected to correct racist comments. I’ve upheld subtle stereotypes that, when left unchecked, have caused me to assume something about someone before I’ve spoken a single word to them. I have not worked to educate myself in the ways that I should. Listen, there is some of this inside all of us, and it is not okay to ignore it.
Repentance and acknowledgment may make you feel uncomfortable, and your apathy is granting you a sort of mental and emotional safety, but our black neighbors are paying the price for it, and they cannot carry the weight of our silent compliance on their backs anymore. They cannot pay for our unrepented, subtle racism just because we feel too guilty to acknowledge it. They are worth so much more than that. They are worth our humility and anger.
I keep going back to the story of Jesus overturning tables in the temple because he was so angry about injustice. Something he cared so deeply about (his Father’s house) was being abused and treated as less than what it was created to be so he stood up and made it very clear how he felt. If you don’t think that Jesus feels angrier and more willing to flip tables over his kids who are made in his image and being abused and treated as less than what they were created to be, I think you’ve missed the point of his ministry. Righteous anger is a type of holiness that Jesus practiced. Our black friends have every right to feel angry, and it is our responsibility as neighbors and a privileged community to stand up and be angry alongside them.
How do we change? This is a question I’ve been reflecting on the last couple of days. Knowing where to start can feel really overwhelming, but we can’t let this convince us to do nothing. Start with repentance; start with acknowledging your responsibility in perpetuating racism. Have some conversations around the dinner table about how to implement change within your household and community. Educate yourself. Shake loose some apathy. Listen, listen, listen. Resist the urge to fight back out of fear and defensiveness. I’ve been on the hunt for resources, so I will share some ones I have found helpful at the bottom of the post. The best thing I know how to do right now is to pay attention to the voices that are hurting. Let them lead you.
To George Floyd, and every other person who has suffered at the hands of systemic racism, I am sorry that we failed you. I am sorry for all the ways that we didn’t listen sooner. I am sorry that we chose apathy. I am sorry that your experiences have not held the validity, weight, and reflection that they deserve. I promise to do better, to work towards change in every way I know how. Your life mattered. Black lives matter.
Books to read:
(this is a pretty comprehensive book list. Let me know if you have any recommendations that are not on here!)
Organizations to give to:
(this article has a lot of really tangible calls to action, as well as including a list of organizations that could use our financial support.)
Websites to visit:
http://policing.civilrights.org/toolkit/
https://www.obama.org/anguish-and-action/
These are resources I have found helpful. I am still at the starting line of expanding my resource database, so let me know if you have other resources you have found helpful. It is more than worth our time and energy to educate ourselves and learn helpful ways to lock arms with our black neighbors.